The first week of May was a roller coaster. I was overjoyed as my portfolio gained some traction on Twitter, receiving an outpouring of love and support from friends around the world. My heart was full and filled to the brim with gratitude.
However, fate had a bitter pill in store for me that week — which is — rejection. I received the long-awaited response from NTU, the final university I had applied to, only to be greeted with rejection. I knew it was coming, so I had been preparing myself over the past 2 months. I had affirmed myself to accept whatever the outcome is because I believe behind every closed door is a greater plan unfolding.
Why does it matter? NTU was my last chance to fulfill my dream of studying abroad, especially after the scholarship I had been waiting for confirmed its closure for this year. Devastated? Hell yeah. Despite being mentally prepared for the past two months, I couldn't help myself from having a breakdown. The journey of applying to abroad uni was arduous — from the research, countless essays, recommendation letters, and preparing personalized portfolios, to taking the IELTS exam — it was extremely exhausting. Not to mention, the financial strain of exam fees and uni applications adding up too.
Sacrifices were made; time, effort, and money—only to face the heartbreaking reality of not being able to go abroad. Witnessing the efforts I poured into this journey fall short of my dream was truly devastating and disappointing (also; another reason why I disagree with the quote — “trust the process”, because rather than placing blind faith in the process for a hopeful outcome, we shall find joy in navigating the process itself, despite of the final result). Anyways, rejection and failure always pose an upsetting challenge, regardless of one's level of preparedness. Often, I found myself dwelling on self-doubt, questioning if I hadn't done enough or lacked something vital. But dwelling on the past holds no value because life goes on, and so must I.
I am writing this post from the corner of my bed, crying as I attempt to sort out my thoughts. Amidst the tears and chaos, I find peace in reflecting upon the wonderful journeys I had in the past weeks, months, and year that have left an indelible mark on myself, shaping me into a better version of myself (I hope so…). Looking back, I come to realize that most of my initial plans had failed. The dream of pursuing uni immediately after high school was left unfulfilled due to challenging circumstances back then, forcing me to take a gap year. Little did I know that this detour would open doors to such remarkable opportunities; allowing me to cross paths with admirable mentors, like-minded communities, and new friends who have become my pillars of support and inspiration in both my personal and professional endeavors. I also managed to land a product design internship at tiket.com too, which has been one of the best experiences I could ever ask for.
Life goes on, and so, the cycle repeats. My goal to secure another tech internship failed — leading me to venture out beyond tech and into a product innovation studio. Within this new realm, I found myself newly immersed in design research and being exposed to various design outputs aside from the now-popular ‘digital product design’, proving a testament that design is truly multidisciplinary.
In conclusion, these redirections, although disheartening at first, have yielded the most abounding fruits that intricately shaped the essence of who I am today. And so, as I turn the page to this new chapter, I shall be alright, right?
As I said earlier, life goes on, and so must I. I am currently preparing myself for uni and I’ve made a decision to pursue a design degree in Indonesia, hopefully majoring in interaction design. I’m really eggcited to learn and experiment with interaction designs across various mediums, free from constraints!! (can’t wait to say hello to ar, vr, board games, interactive exhibitions, game dev?!?! akkk ay am eggcited) AND I really hope, this time, reality won’t disappoint me… 🤞🏻
Also, I’ve set my mindset to not look at uni as a sole investment for my future career - but instead an investment for my own personal learning journey in life that I can enjoy and cherish. This way, I hope to grow, learn and appreciate uni and life’s adventures better - more genuine - with an open heart. Taking this gap year has shown me that I can navigate ambiguity and design my own path, even without uni. So I believe I can do it too in my next chapter.
(thanks to jovina for this reflective question; i think, I’ve found my answer for now)
So, question to you:
Wait, no, not a question. I desperately need YOUR advice.
What advice would you give to me who will be entering uni this year?
(pls answer, I DEMAND an answer 🫵. no jk, i will not force you ☺️)
Rejection is hard.
I find that it is not something that I tolerate better each time, but something that I navigate through better as I get more rejections.
In my last job hunt prior to my current role, I had to face numerous reality checks. How much am I worth (quite literally; monetarily £ 💷)? What are my real skills? What is meaningful to me?
These are the questions I tend to visit rather frequently from time to time. But under various constraints, it can be really disheartening.
I have had rejections where they scoffed at my proposed value, but now I work with people who value me a lot more than I thought I was worth 😅.
It is so easy to fall into thinking that you need to know the answers to these questions now. But sometimes actions may come first before the answers, and perhaps a step back or two is needed before leaping forward!
I am really glad that you have such a great attitude facing this, to keep on moving regardless of adversity.
I hope one day you find a place that resonates with you and values you as you value yourself when the time and opportunity align!
On a side note: I genuinely think you have been making amazing progress and you are more skilful and competent than a lot of professional designers I know! And definitely far ahead than I was then 😆
(from what I see, I actually think you even have a shot at applying work internationally at this point with your skills 👀)
Keep on learning and experimenting! After all, self-enrichment is the best investment you can make for yourself, however that form may be.
Excited to see where you are heading next ⛴️
As someone who has completed her first year of college.
I’d say; just be open to things, expect disappointment, connect with new people, try a lot of crazy things since you’re on a phase where failure doesn’t cost you much.
I somehow dedicate myself to try new experiences 😋:
1. saving my money with my friends for backpacker trips to Japan or somewhere else.
2. compete in competitions like hackathon etc
3. volunteer for NGOs (beach cleanup, animal shelter)
4. having a part-time job, freelance, and internship (don’t do this all at once lol)
Take more pictures because we can never buy time 😁
You have also realised that some of your failures lead to new opportunities. It is meant to be like that, maybe the things you failed at won’t give you much values at all.
Good luck with college! Oh btw, please grind on your grades whenever the courses/sem is easy.